A Truthful Mama Tells it Like it Is

I thought this was interesting. I found this comparison between the 5 steps of dealing with death and the steps of PPD on  this blog . She puts it best and I don't want to plagiarize so just click the link and go directly there. You can also copy and paste this into your web browser if the link doesn't work: http://postpartumprogress.org/2011/02/the-six-stages-of-postpartum-depression/ http://postpartumprogress.org/2011/02/the-six-stages-of-postpartum-depression/

How do you know if this is just baby blues or if it's postpartum depression? How long can baby blues last? How long can PPD last? How can I feel better again? All of these questions are running through your mind as you begin sobbing during a diaper change. What's going on with me?! Why I am so sad right now?  I've been there! These questions, along with the scariest question for new parents, is this colic or purple crying? (but that's a different blog post) have swirled around in my head for months. So I decided to do some researching to help you determine what it is. And guess what, if it is PPD, it's not the end of the world! You're not the only one suffering, which I know you don't want to hear right now because you feel like you're all alone and nobody understands. The truth is, many women understand but for some strange reason we all keep it a secret and let our friends and fellow mothers suffer alone. Well, I'm going against the grain and lett...

Haleigh's First Day Home We left the hospital on Monday morning. The insurance covered us staying 48 hours but the hospital let us stay until 9 AM Monday so that we didn’t have to leave at 3 AM – exactly 48 hours after her birth. Adam had a test review in his finance class that he needed to go to. So he left around 7 AM and got back at 9 AM. That was the hardest two hours I’ve ever experienced. I woke up around 6 and Haleigh was sleeping so I got ready for the day. I ordered breakfast right when they opened hoping I could eat before Haleigh woke up. Just when my food got there Haleigh woke up. I started feeding her and in the middle of nursing she had a blow-out.  I tried to change her diaper but she started screaming and crying so I went back to nursing. I picked at my breakfast while nursing. She seemed to want to eat forever! She nursed for like an hour! Finally, I tried to change her diaper. She started screaming and I felt overwhelmed. I still needed to get dressed an...

Right after delivery we had a while trying to breastfeed and bonding. When we were ready we told our parents that they could come in. They saw her and spent a little while looking at her and asking me how I was feeling, etc. It was just chaotic. I felt like my head was spinning after all of this. It didn’t help that I hadn’t eaten since 11:30 AM and it was now 4 AM. We were exhausted. They transferred us to the second floor were we stayed for two days. After taking us to our new room Adam went with Haleigh to the nursery to get a bath. The nurses helped me go to the bathroom, gave me meds, and put me in bed. It was about 5 AM when Haleigh and Adam came back. We all went to sleep…. for about an hour. Haleigh woke up at 6 to eat. I can’t remember the order of how this all happened, but the nurse helped me use my nipple shield and I was able to feed her! After eating she farted and you could hear the poop come out! Haha. So I changed her diaper and it was pretty full. By the time I got ...

My due date was March 22, 2013. However, when I was 37 weeks Dr. Parker did an internal exam and found that I was 60% effaced, she had dropped to a -2 and I was 2 centimeters dilated. He said that I have a very ripe cervix for being a first time mom. Lol. The next week I was 80% effaced, -2, and dilated to a 2. Dr. Parker said that I could go into labor at any moment because I’m so ripe. He stripped my membranes and said that he wouldn’t be surprised if she came in the next 36 hours. Well, the weekend passed and no Haleigh. I had contractions from 5 PM to 5 AM after he stripped my membranes but they were not consistent. Over the next week I had contractions but they weren’t consistent. Dr. Parker told me that if she didn’t come by the 15 th  he would induce me if I wanted to. We decided to get induced because my dad decided to take a job offer elsewhere which would cause my insurance to change. So we got induced on Friday March 15, 2013 at 1 PM. They started the Pit...

I always thought that I would be a stay at home. I didn't care what financial sacrifices had to be made to make this possible, no matter what - starting the day I became a mom - I would quit work and stay home. I couldn't bare the thought of having someone else, even grandparents, taking care of my child while I was at work. I hated to hear moms (who have a lot of money) say that they will quit working when they can afford to. I thought, "You could afford to if you would just change your life style and stop spending so much money!" I was willing to sacrifice cute clothes, nice hair, and other material goods for a few years so that I could bask in the joy of raising my children. I want to be the one teaching them, playing with them, feeding them, caring for them, etc. I could not fathom the thought of sharing those precious moments with anyone else, besides my husband, so that I could work outside of  the home. Although I support the moms that want to stay home, my op...

If you know me, you know that I'm a planner! I have prepared for motherhood my entire life and wanted desperately to breast feed my children. We all know, breast is best! I took lamaze and breast feeding classes in my final month of pregnancy so that the information would be fresh in my mind. I talked to friends and tried to get all the information I could. When I asked friends what it was like I heard the usual complaints: painful, cracked nipples, soaked bra and shirt, let-downs at the grocery store, etc. but they all said that it was so worth it! The bond created by breast feeding was incomparable to anything else.  I had always been weary of breast feeding because I'm small-breasted, like never could fill up an a-cup small breasted (TMI)!  However my breast feeding teacher assured me that breast size has nothing to do with it. She told me that small breasted women are usually able to produce more milk because there is less fatty tissue to deal with.  S...

The hardest part of transitioning to motherhood was having it be nothing like I thought it would. My entire life I've dreamed of the day I'd become a mother, how special and tender of a moment it would be. I thought that it didn't matter if they were colicky they'd still be perfect and I would have a beautiful mommy glow from being overjoyed with the birth of my new baby.... Boy was I wrong! Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything and I'm grateful every day that Heavenly Father thinks I'm worthy of such a blessing. But.... I was not prepared for a colicky baby, or a baby that was sick every week, or not being able to sleep for 4 months (maybe even more). All of my preparation with lamaze did not prepare me for my 13 hour labor when my epidural quit working towards the end and I did an unplanned natural birth. My desire to breastfeed, the classes I took to help me do so, and the weekly visits with lactation consultants did not prepare me fo...

I want this blog to help moms who are struggling with postpartum depression see that they are not alone. My posts are real, unfiltered, and sometimes comical because they’re so true! When I had my daughter (first and only child so far) I struggled with baby blues which then led to postpartum depression and even deeper depression when events in my life seemed to crumple all at the same time. I felt so lost and discouraged... and worst of all, alone. I'm still struggling with motherhood. For me, it has not been all peaches and sunshine, lollipops and unicorns, or any other metaphor you can think of to describe blissful motherhood. In the pits of my discouragement I remember reaching out to friends just to have them respond "Yeah motherhood is rough, get over it" or something along those lines.   I want to be a resource for moms who have, are currently, or may struggle with this transition to motherhood. It's not easy and I definitely was not prepar...