I always thought that I would be a stay at home. I didn't care what financial sacrifices had to be made to make this possible, no matter what - starting the day I became a mom - I would quit work and stay home. I couldn't bare the thought of having someone else, even grandparents, taking care of my child while I was at work. I hated to hear moms (who have a lot of money) say that they will quit working when they can afford to. I thought, "You could afford to if you would just change your life style and stop spending so much money!" I was willing to sacrifice cute clothes, nice hair, and other material goods for a few years so that I could bask in the joy of raising my children. I want to be the one teaching them, playing with them, feeding them, caring for them, etc. I could not fathom the thought of sharing those precious moments with anyone else, besides my husband, so that I could work outside of the home.
Although I support the moms that want to stay home, my opinions have changed since my motherhood experience has began.
My advice to all future moms is to be open minded on the subject. I definitely was not. I come from a home where my mother worked when she had my brother but stayed home when I came along. My step-mom has worked during all of her children, and still does work. My father-in-law worked 2-3 jobs so that my husband's mom could stay home. I always felt like the right thing to do was to stay home.
Some women work because they need some way to feel fulfilled. Some work because they need just a few hours each day when they're not talking to a baby. Others may work because financially they have to. My personal opinion is that it's not worth it to stay home if it means that your family will have to forego food, shelter, clothing, or worst of all if it hurts your relationship with your spouse because he has to work 2 jobs and you never see each other. Whatever, the reason for you wanting to work or stay home, make sure it's the right reason for YOU.
I've made a list of pros and cons of being a working mom to help you decide what you should do when the time comes.
PROS
Purpose: If you're struggling with postpartum depression, you may find that work becomes a wonderful "out." Working gives you a reason to get out of bed, take a shower, do your hair, and put on something other than sweats. Having to be somewhere at a certain time will help you take control of your time and stop you from moping around all day. Working can also give you energy (if you enjoy your job that is) and help you out of your constant rut of fatigue.
Extra Income: Money is not everything and if you're working purely for the money to buy lavish things, sooner or later you'll find that things do not make you happy. However, if you're working because you enjoy the break (it really is a break compared to motherhood sometimes), to help support your husband support your family (there is no grammar mistake here), or any other reason, the money is a nice bonus. You do need to make sure your income is worth it though. You should be making more than the cost of childcare, transportation, food while working, and clothing to wear to work. If you aren't making more than that then it may be costing you more money to work than to just stay home, in which case you should re-evaluate what you'd like to do.
Goals: Working helps you strive towards goals. Whether that be financial goals for your family, personal goals to become a better leader, communicator, teammate, goals for your team and co-workers, etc. Working can help you make yourself a better person.
Special Bonds: When you're a working mom you really learn to take advantage of each moment with your child/children. My step-mom told me that she was constantly teaching her children. In the car she would teach them words or sing songs, etc. She believes that working helped her to be a better mom than she would have been if she stayed home. She rarely sat her kids in front of the TV. When she was home they were constantly playing, learning, or helping together.
Also, if your little one is still not sleeping through the night you'll find that these middle of the night moments often become some of the most precious moments to a working mom. This is a special time where you can snuggle with your little one in the wee hours of the night without interruption. You'll develop a special bond during this time and actually look forward to getting up a 3 AM.... occasionally!
Friendships: You'll develop friendships with other working moms. This can be so meaningful! You have so much in common with these other moms. You can express your feelings with people who truly understand and that will express empathy, not sympathy for you. This has made a huge difference in my life!
CONS
Cost: You need to figure what the cost of childcare will be (In Utah the average cost of childcare is $6 - $7.50 for the first child and $2 for each additional child). Remember though, you'll get the kind of childcare you're paying for so don't be too cheap! Keep in mind the extra money spent on gas and ware and tare on the car (or transportation if you'll be using public transportation), money spent on lunches, and money spent on a professional wardrobe if needs be.
Time: Depending on what your work hours are, it may mean that you leave for work before your child is awake and get home only a few hours before bedtime. :( This is the case when you work 8-5. Usually bedtime for a child that sleeps 10 hours at night is 8 PM and morning arise time is 6 AM. So you may have to wake up very early to get ready for work or get ready while your baby's awake. You may also choose to work an opposite schedule of your husband so that you don't have to pay for childcare. Understand that this may strain your marriage when you're unable to spend quality time with your spouse. If you work from home you may need to organize your work hours around nap times. This can be a problem as your child grows and develops new napping patterns.
Schedules: If you like to have your child on a schedule, you may find that the schedule is getting in the way of when you're home and want to spend time with your baby. They may take a nap at 5 PM normally, but when if you're working and get home at that time you and your baby will both be excited to see each other and suddenly the nap isn't as important...
Sleep: If you thought it was hard barely getting any sleep while you were on maternity leave, you're in for an abrupt awakening when you're getting up a couples times in the middle of the night and then have work in the morning!
One day I'll stay home with Haleigh and my other children (if I have any more.... lol), but for now I enjoy working.
Can you think of any other pros or cons that I forgot? What struggles have you dealt with being a stay at home or working mom?
Although I support the moms that want to stay home, my opinions have changed since my motherhood experience has began.
My advice to all future moms is to be open minded on the subject. I definitely was not. I come from a home where my mother worked when she had my brother but stayed home when I came along. My step-mom has worked during all of her children, and still does work. My father-in-law worked 2-3 jobs so that my husband's mom could stay home. I always felt like the right thing to do was to stay home.
Some women work because they need some way to feel fulfilled. Some work because they need just a few hours each day when they're not talking to a baby. Others may work because financially they have to. My personal opinion is that it's not worth it to stay home if it means that your family will have to forego food, shelter, clothing, or worst of all if it hurts your relationship with your spouse because he has to work 2 jobs and you never see each other. Whatever, the reason for you wanting to work or stay home, make sure it's the right reason for YOU.
I've made a list of pros and cons of being a working mom to help you decide what you should do when the time comes.
PROS
Purpose: If you're struggling with postpartum depression, you may find that work becomes a wonderful "out." Working gives you a reason to get out of bed, take a shower, do your hair, and put on something other than sweats. Having to be somewhere at a certain time will help you take control of your time and stop you from moping around all day. Working can also give you energy (if you enjoy your job that is) and help you out of your constant rut of fatigue.
Extra Income: Money is not everything and if you're working purely for the money to buy lavish things, sooner or later you'll find that things do not make you happy. However, if you're working because you enjoy the break (it really is a break compared to motherhood sometimes), to help support your husband support your family (there is no grammar mistake here), or any other reason, the money is a nice bonus. You do need to make sure your income is worth it though. You should be making more than the cost of childcare, transportation, food while working, and clothing to wear to work. If you aren't making more than that then it may be costing you more money to work than to just stay home, in which case you should re-evaluate what you'd like to do.
Goals: Working helps you strive towards goals. Whether that be financial goals for your family, personal goals to become a better leader, communicator, teammate, goals for your team and co-workers, etc. Working can help you make yourself a better person.
Special Bonds: When you're a working mom you really learn to take advantage of each moment with your child/children. My step-mom told me that she was constantly teaching her children. In the car she would teach them words or sing songs, etc. She believes that working helped her to be a better mom than she would have been if she stayed home. She rarely sat her kids in front of the TV. When she was home they were constantly playing, learning, or helping together.
Also, if your little one is still not sleeping through the night you'll find that these middle of the night moments often become some of the most precious moments to a working mom. This is a special time where you can snuggle with your little one in the wee hours of the night without interruption. You'll develop a special bond during this time and actually look forward to getting up a 3 AM.... occasionally!
Friendships: You'll develop friendships with other working moms. This can be so meaningful! You have so much in common with these other moms. You can express your feelings with people who truly understand and that will express empathy, not sympathy for you. This has made a huge difference in my life!
CONS
Cost: You need to figure what the cost of childcare will be (In Utah the average cost of childcare is $6 - $7.50 for the first child and $2 for each additional child). Remember though, you'll get the kind of childcare you're paying for so don't be too cheap! Keep in mind the extra money spent on gas and ware and tare on the car (or transportation if you'll be using public transportation), money spent on lunches, and money spent on a professional wardrobe if needs be.
Time: Depending on what your work hours are, it may mean that you leave for work before your child is awake and get home only a few hours before bedtime. :( This is the case when you work 8-5. Usually bedtime for a child that sleeps 10 hours at night is 8 PM and morning arise time is 6 AM. So you may have to wake up very early to get ready for work or get ready while your baby's awake. You may also choose to work an opposite schedule of your husband so that you don't have to pay for childcare. Understand that this may strain your marriage when you're unable to spend quality time with your spouse. If you work from home you may need to organize your work hours around nap times. This can be a problem as your child grows and develops new napping patterns.
Schedules: If you like to have your child on a schedule, you may find that the schedule is getting in the way of when you're home and want to spend time with your baby. They may take a nap at 5 PM normally, but when if you're working and get home at that time you and your baby will both be excited to see each other and suddenly the nap isn't as important...
Sleep: If you thought it was hard barely getting any sleep while you were on maternity leave, you're in for an abrupt awakening when you're getting up a couples times in the middle of the night and then have work in the morning!
One day I'll stay home with Haleigh and my other children (if I have any more.... lol), but for now I enjoy working.
Can you think of any other pros or cons that I forgot? What struggles have you dealt with being a stay at home or working mom?
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